I just got back from a four day trip to California. And guess what!?! I wasn't depressed at all. I think I'm getting better. Oo me and my mom found a house we like and I get to go to school with kim. Willie. And chris( not the chris I usually talk bout. From now on chris in ri is now called Abraham!! NSW I'm jking chris would kill me. Were going to call him psi. ) now speaking of willie. I like him and he said he liked me and I'm trusting him so I asks him out and he's thinking bout it. The only problem is that I would like to tellmy parents. Except. Theyre racist. And willies black and tends to act gansta. Soo we will c how this goes. Well they sent that racist they just dont believe in black and white ppl dating each other. See my problem. Oo well I'm going to sleep. Nighty night.

ok. Well change of plans for tomorrow. I'm not going to the concert because I've never heard a song by rooney and I'm not bffs with my able to drive friends so instead I'm going bowling with Sydney and kim and they are sleeping over and were going to pig out on junkfood and play fighting video games all night. I hung out with kim today and she made me sit down while she put on makeup on me and did my hair. This is against my morales. It gets worse. At first I hated it but wen I was getting ready for bed. I looked. Into the mirror. And for once said that I looked alright. I'm not saying great. But it didnt look bad. Next subject. Everyone keeps asking me why I'm so depressed. Well here's my list:
1. I have been used by four guys
2. I feel like a who're and a slut
3. I feel easy
4. I lost ppl keemun me from hurting myself
-chris was my shrink. He gave up on me
-emily always could just be there and she just knew it helped even if she didnt say anything. It helped
- corey turned out to b an idiot who used me
- and rico just made me happy
- now there all gone
5. I'm very insecure of myself
6. My parents dont accept me for who I am
7. My dad is stuck back in rhode island for three more months at least and I only see him for like a weeks time during those months
8. I get depressed about being depressed
9. I can't help but hurt myself. I just get over come by anger
10. I act sluty and whitish when I'm depressed which only makes me more depressed later
11. I never make the right choices
12. There's more but I haven't figured put how to put them down in writing
so there u have. Now if u can help me before I hurtmyself real bad

so today I'm in the grocery store with my mom and I was listening to my iPod when a song by drowing pool came on so I start playing the air guitar and banging my head to the beat. My mom decides to go whack on me and say that she thinks I really want to b a guy because she thinks all girls should were makeup skirts like to do their hair and nails. I hate doing these things. Sometimes I think my dad wishes I were a boy. I am a girl and while I think guys have it better I would like to stay a girl. Y can't my parents b happy with a slight tomboyish girl? Y do they have to add to the misery that controlls my life? Let me know

corey corey corey. He preys on my mind like a lion on a deer. He's ignoring me right now. He won't answer my emails. Hmm Cody won't answer my texts. I hate guys. Oo I'm going to a Rooney concert Thursday with all my , able to drive, friends. Y r these guys ignoring me? I still want to b friends. Oo I turned the shrink down. He couldn't help me anyways. And chris I'm sorry I said u had mental issues also that's ma'm to u mister. I. Am. Not. Hott. I. Am. Not. Sexy. Sorry to break ur heart. K got to go. I might post later if I'm not dead.

ok shrink. I've been thinking. If ur soo good y dont u help me. I'd feel more comfortable talking to u, someone I will never ever see, than somewhere here in town. And if my friend "psi" talked to u rudely or anything. I apologize. He has..issues that we are fixing. So I'd like it if you would get back to me and please stop with the private comments. Why b soo secretive? Got to sleep now

P.s. I forgot what I wanted to say right here. I well I'll ask you later